Happy {NEW} Year!

{NEW}.

Ah, sounds so good to me!

I need {new} right now.

I am craving {new}!

Welcome 2010! I am so ready for you to be here! Please bring happy things! I love that after Christmas comes ... a {new} year. Jesus and then ... {new}! Isn't that just like Him! He brings ... {new}.

Can you tell I am pumped up and ready to wash away 2009 and bring on 2010 yet. I am journeying on looking forward to this year.

December 31st is almost always a nostalgic day for me. This year though I feel like I am standing at the cusp of something. Just ready for it ... whatever, it is and slowly I am starting to feel more alive then before. I pray God kindles the fire He is starting in my heart and provides me with the courage to walk the road He has for me!

I am praying for these things in the {new} year ...

• Spending some time seeking the maker of all things {new} and what He has up His sleeve for our family!
• Growing as a parent. Watching our little man grow. Seeking God's wisdom for guiding this precious soul through life.
• Understanding the story He has given me (and us) and how I can use that in the place He has me now.
• Finding a way to get my baby sister closer to me! This is starting to become more of a necessity rather than a hope. My heart can't take many more miles or time between us. Sisters weren't meant to live apart.
• Being more grateful for the people in my life. Spending time with our parents and sharing the joys of the watching our son and their grandson grow.
• Finding my community. A soft place to land, with real, loving, forgiving people. Who know your story and love you anyway.
• and finally, being me & being perfectly ok with that!

~ Welcome 2010 ~

Going Home ...

We are leaving in the morning to go "home" for the weekend. This will be the first time ... I won't have anyone in my family to go home to. It's weird. I am struggling with the fact that there is not Weaver house in Princeton anymore. I moved away in 2002. My parents moved in December ... well, Dad finally moved then. The past couple of days I have been thinking about the people and relationships that I had there who helped form who I am. I feel like I am grieving relationships, choices, memories, and things about life that happened years ago. Lately, I have played the "what if" tape a lot. So tonight, I am trying to re-focus myself back to "what is"

Here are some Halloween pictures from Brody's first trick or treating adventure!

We laughed so hard ... he was adorable as Yoda. He ended up falling asleep halfway through trick or treating :)

He is growing so fast. Who knew having a kid could be so much fun!

Confessions That Won't Make Me Cool ...

Let's be real ... I do not have time for this blog. I should not be writing in this moment. I am at work and I have way too much to do, but I can't shake these little thoughts in my head. I was thinking to myself, if some people knew these things about me, they might check me off their cool list. Then I felt the Holy Spirit say, who cares? Why are you keeping these thoughts to yourself? I don't think you will be any better for reading this, but I will be in the light of who my maker made me to be ... so here are my confessions for today ...

• I have never really cared about U2. I am sure they are a great band and I hear their live show is amazing, but nothing in my life so far as drawn me to them. Maybe someday. I feel sure Bono is a nice guy, but I don't know him. However, I do like his glasses. Lately I am pretty turned off at every tweet or post about who is going to their show or who is watching the live feed. I don't know why.
• I really hate NPR ... it puts me to sleep. I feel pretentious just listening to it. I don't want those voices putting thoughts in my head or making me think ... I would rather listen to a song or see a tree that causes me to pause and ponder. That probably sounds stupid ... again, I don't care.
• I have a really twisted sense of humor. I generally laugh at things that should not be funny. This often causes my mom to be embarrassed of me and my husband to be turned on ... and therein lies another reason why sometimes I feel caught between the two of them.
• I struggle with being true to who I am ... I am constantly wanting to be shaped or formed by anyone but the being that dreamt me up ... seeing it written convicts me to the stupidity of that. Why do I care what another broken soul thinks of me? They too are broken! Eeeekkk!

4 random ramblings for today that do not seem all that positive. Oh well. It's truth. I am going back to do work now. Happy Monday!

We're Crawling ... Everywhere!

Much to my dismay, Brody recently picked up crawling. It's all my mother's fault ... she felt the need to teach him where his knees were. I like to have him crawl down the hallway to me! We were practicing crawling the other day! Here are two videos of his attempts. The first time he doesn't quite make it, but it will make you laugh. Don't worry, he only cried for a second and we were back at it again :)

Inviting The Glorious Into The Mundane

As you can tell it has been a month since I have posted. We now have a 10 month old who sleeps in his own room, plays with his toys on his own, and can crawl across the room to pull on my legs when he wants to be held. What a blessing we have been given! Yet in the day-to-day, I am struggling to figure out how I will love on him enough while I am getting ready for work so that he knows he is loved while I am away. I long to be sitting on the back porch with him playing with his shapes and water bucket at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. And at 5:30 I race home all the way praying that God will give me the strength to be present with him in the few hours I have before he goes to bed. I am so tired and drained from all of the energy that the day requires from me that when I get home I don't feel like there is much left of me to give. The details of life have been stealing my joy and clouding my vision, keeping me from enjoying the blessings God has given me ... like a husband who gives up his time to help take care of Brody so he doesn't have to be in daycare, a boy whose eyes light up when I walk into the room, a job that I love and that I feel like I am good at doing even on the rough days. I have allowed all of that to be taken from me. I am reposting this video blog from Christy Nockels. There will be more to come, but today it gave me that kick in the pants that I needed and the reminder that if I just invite God into the details of my life, ask Him to fill in the gaps of my humanity, I can be the wife, mother, daughter, sister, and worker that He created me to be.

Here is the blog from Christy Nockels ... more coming soon!

Being A Mom {Part 1} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

9 Months!!!

Our little man is 9 months old today. Hard to believe he has been in the world longer than he spent growing and fluttering around inside of me. He is so much more than I ever imagined he would be ... my cup is full. I still can't believe that God let's me be his momma!

Here are some pictures that might make you smile!

On Becoming An Aunt!

There are a couple times in my life that I have been lovingly referred to as "Aunt Jess." I have always been grateful to my sweet friends that allowed me to love their kids as if I were their Aunt. I always wondered what it would be like to be a real Aunt someday. My Aunt has always been special to me, I hope that I can pass along some of that love I have received from her just the same!

So, when Brody was just a couple of months old my sister called and casually reminded me of how I thought it would be fun for Brody to be a cousin someday and then said, well that day will be sooner than later! I was a bit shell shocked just because I hadn't expected it {still not sure why, they have been married for 5 years} but so elated. As the months have passed, the idea of Brody being so close (exactly 9 months and 4 days to be exact) older than his cousin Levi has made me so happy! We never really had cousins that we were close to growing up so I am excited for him to have that in his life.

Turns out that my sister only does big events in the month of June {her birthday, anniversary, and now birth of her first child}. And little Levi is not so little and breech so she has been scheduled for a c-section on June 16th. I have been so upset that I will miss it {she flew in at the last minute when B was born and that will remain to be the best gift she ever gave me}. Aaron knew I was really struggling with not being there but I wasn't sure how to make it happen. This morning he helped me figure out how to get there so now it looks like I will fly up on Monday and back on Wednesday. I am so grateful to him for helping me go and be a part of this. Then we will fly back together {the entire Chambers Clan} at the end of this month. I cannot wait to look into the face of this little man and tell him all about his cousin that can't wait to meet him. Furthermore, I can't wait to tell him when he is older how lucky he is to have such an incredible momma! My sister doesn't do anything half way and when it comes to matters of the heart, she may put up a good front, but Levi is going to be so loved and taken care of and more importantly, pointed in the direction of the One that matters most. So next Christmas, the Weaver's will gather around the tree and this time it will be about watching the eyes of the two little boys as they discover the lights and presents around them. My how time has changed! The two Weaver girls now have two little boys and my dad couldn't be happier because he has waited a long time to give tools and footballs as gifts :)

Look for updates on Baby Levi around June 16th. I can't wait to share them!

And you can refer to me as Aunt Jess now any time you like ... it is a title I will always cherish!

Scooters and Such!

So shortly after I wrote the blog below, I went to Publix all the way contemplating I had just sort of publicly announced that I was ready for God to use me in any way possible. I stood in front of the dessert counter thinking about how great the cheesecake looked and along comes a rather large African American woman on a scooter. She is coming at me, at me, closer, closer and then all of a sudden BAM! She ran right into the dessert counter actually physically MOVING the counter! Her response was, "did I do that?" Um, yes mam, in fact that was you as we are the only two standing here and I promise it wasn't me. So she said, "well let me just back up here ..." and then she realized that she wsa STUCK to the counter! Yep, that is right folks! Cry out to the Lord and say USE ME! and that is just what He will do! So I had to physically extract her from the counter. This took a manly strength that must have come from the Lord as I have always been known to the be weakling in my circle of family and friends. But I did it folks ... I removed her from the counter safely, swiftly, and unharmed. Then I kept passing her in the store and she continued to take liberties with the scooter that I would like to say she wasn't skilled enough to be doing but oh well! I did my part. Lesson learned: be faithful in the small (or in this case, not so small) stuff and God will give you the bigger opportunties. Guess I am still proving myself here as I haven't been moved on yet :)

Speaking of scooters, most of you know that my precious 55 year old dad retired in December! What an answer to prayer for me! I worried myself sick over him living alone in WV and working outside in the cold. Anyway, he is a completely independent, capable, fun-loving guy. We always play jokes on each other ... So, I contacted the Scooter Store recently and asked them to contact him as he was interested in purchasing a Scooter :) Now he gets phone calls, emails, snail mail all letting him know that he can live a perfectly mobile life if he would only purchase a Scooter! HA! I love it! So fun. Needless to say I am in trouble but it is all worth it :)

Now, if only free lessons came with the scooter purchase, Miss Dessert Stand Jolter from Publix wouldn't have almost taken my life at Publix on Friday!

Use Me

So, let's just get it out in the open ... I am a terrible blogger ... I have this kid that I can't take my eyes off of and a husband who I really do enjoy being with so blogging (as well as cleaning, cooking, laundry and a host of other things) has taken a back seat. The problem with blogging is that the writer in me cares way too much about what I write and it takes me too long to put something together. So, I have decided to just type away and not worry about making it all perfect. Which means you, any readers that are left, may have to provide me with a certain amount of grace if and when I cross the line and say something ridiculous or if my grammar isn't perfect (don't judge me based on my English degree). So here are some things that I am loving these days:

1. Aaron's scruffiness! (I have convinced him not to shave so close :)
2. Brody's smiles, laughs, and babbles and the way he smells after a bath
3. Showers that last more than 3 minutes
4. The fact that Kris Allen won American Idol
5. The weather ... when it isn't raining
6. Being at work more (which means I have to fight off the guilt of not being at home with Brody as much so it's a catch 22)
7. Crazy Love ... if you haven't read it ... DO! Now! and then ACT! It does not good if you don't change the way you live once you have the knowledge.
8. Feeling more like myself and not just a new mom
9. Going to yard sales EVERY Saturday
10. The fact that my parents are coming next weekend!

Well, now ... putting it in writing makes me realize how much I am loving life right now!

One other thing I wanted to mention. I hear a lot of new music at work and to be honest, so much of it is lost on me (I am an old school country kind of girl from the mountains of WV) but the other day in a meeting they played some new Switchfoot songs (that were amazing) and another song by a band we signed recently named Abandon. The very first line of this song, titled, Here We Are Now was: "I ask myself, what can I offer you? Can you use someone who already feels used?" Wow, that really resonated with me! The whole song was great but that one line jumped out at me ... Feeling like the veil has just been lifted from my post partum world, I get that "used up" feeling. There are days when I just feel like there isn't an ounce of me left to give to anyone and that goes against all the gifts that God has given me. He made me to be outgoing and lively and social ... an exhorter! And lack of sleep, time, energy, and constant caring for another helpless human robbed me of the ability to be that person again. While I was off whining about the fact that I didn't know where I fit into my own life anymore God had given me this amazing kid and that is what needed my attention at that moment ... to sum it all up ... I know that in my "used" state ... God can use me the most because that is when there is less of me and more of Him. Ok, so publicly to the few readers of this blog and more importantly to the One who matters most I want to say, Jesus, use me ... however! To change a diaper, to encourage someone, to cook dinner, to listen, to give a hug, play in the floor! However Lord. Just put me to work!

Now, here are a few pics of our little man. You know I can't end without sharing!

What A Difference A Year Makes ...

A year ago today Aaron and I saw our little one's heartbeat on the screen for the first time! I will forever have the memory etched in my mind. Dr. Stafford pointed to him on the screen and said, "There is your little peanut right there!" We love Brody Rayf to pieces! I can't imagine life without him in now!

I Wish

When I was pregnant with Brody I posted about a song one of our artists sang for us at devotions called, "I Wish." I promised the lyrics but now I can do even better ... click on the link below to watch Heather Headley sing, "I Wish." It is only about 4 minutes long, you will be glad you watched. Her new album is out now, it's called, "Audience Of One."

PS ... Brody Rayf, you are too young to read yet little one, but Momma has these lyrics written in your baby book and I pray these words over you too baby boy! This is what I wish for you ....

The Journey

So much swirling around in my head so I am just going to swim in this poem that I heard today and I thought that I would share it with you ...

{The Journey}

One day you finally knew what you had to do and began
Though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice --
Though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles

"Mend my life!"each voice cried
But you didn't stop
You knew what you had to do

Though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations
Though their melancholy was terrible
It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones

But little by little, as you left their voices behind
The stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds
And there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own
That kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world
Determined to do the only thing you could do --
Determined to save the only life you could save

~ Mary Oliver ~