What I Do Know ...

Today I am clinging to a few things that I do know rather than asking the "why's" and "how comes."

• My King sits on the throne and knows way more than I do!
• All things come together for good for those who serve Him!
• This baby growing in my belly (and making me fat) is being knitted together piece by piece by the most creative of Creators and He has a path in life already marked out for this little one.
• All Aaron and I need to do is make sure he grows up knowing to just hold on to the Lord's hand & everything will be ok. And the same goes for me too - which I often forget :)

Yesterday I had a terrible day at work. I was pretty down on myself. Like those days you have in high school where you feel like you just aren't good enough to run with the cool crowd. Weird analogy I know, but I totally felt that way. And everything I rushed to get done for someone ended up becoming something that wasn't needed after all. Then I started thinking about how hard it will be to be away from my precious boy all day just to come to a place where I don't feel like I am needed or that I make a difference. I know ... can someone say hormones :) That is no excuse though. I wasn't hearing or seeking truth at all, but today is different I am reaching for truth, searching for God because in hearing sad news God reminds me that there is hope beyond this world that I cannot even comprehend (I am hearing Amy Grant's "In A Little While" over and over in my head today).

Last night after watching the finale of American Idol with our friends Mike and Michele we headed home and I received a phone call from a friend at work. The sad news about Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter Maria passing away after a tragic accident had made it's way down the EMI CMG pipeline to me. In the midst of all of this, from the outside looking in, I see hope. Today there is pain and loss for this family beyond anything I can comprehend, but God is in the business of doing amazing things and I cannot wait to see how he uses this tragedy to glorify him.

So what I do know is that this is not my home and I don't need to know the answers to the questions of this world. I have such a peace in knowing that all I have to do is walk by faith.

Because truthfully, those kids in high school who were so popular and cool had struggles too and at reunions aren't they the ones that have been in jail, gotten really overweight, or still live with their parents at 45? And also, God blessed me with this job (there is no doubt about it) and He blessed Aaron and I with our son who we will meet soon. So surely He will help us find a way to mix all of that together. All we have to do is hold His hand and walk close by Him no matter what life brings.

If you care to read them, here are the lyrics to Amy's song that I have played over and over again today. It used to be something my Momma and I sang on the way to school in the mornings. Thanks Mom & Dad for making sure I grew up knowing that this place is temporary and not my home. I promise to pass that along to your grandson too and I am certain that the Chapman's have done that as well - how awesome that they know they have someone waiting to see them when they get home ... for good.

In A Little While

Got a ticket coming home
Wish the officer had known
What a day today has been
Then I stumbled through the door
Dropping junk mail on the floor
When will this day end?
But then your letter caught my eye
Brought the hope in me to life
'Cause you know me very well
And I bet you wrote me
Just to tell me

In a little while
We'll be with the Father
Can't you see Him smile?
In a little while
We'll be home forever
In a while …
We're just here to learn to love Him
We'll be home in just a little while

Boy, that letter hit the spot
Made me think of all I've got
And all that waits for me
Guess I've known it all day long
Wonder where my thoughts went wrong
When will my heart believe?
Waking half way through the night
Reaching toward the lamp for light
Picking up the Word I find
Here's another letter
To remind me