But this morning this little blog of mine might serve as therapy for me. Aaron and I are so incredibly blessed by the friends that we have in our life. These types of relationships mean so much to me. I love that I can share what is on my heart with any of them and walk away feeling loved but more importantly challenged if my heart is not in the right place. Our Sunday School teachers (and I feel honored to call them our friends) Jack and Mandy often challenge me this way; and yesterday after reading Jack's blog I feel led to try and be as transparent as I can when sharing my heart on this blog. I warned you that I would be writing a lot about the little one growing in my tummy that we can't wait to meet in September so I feel that is ok for me to talk about him a lot. Just wait until I have pictures to share too :) You might stop dropping in then :) And while this is one the most exciting times in our lives and we couldn't be happier about this life that God has blessed us with, there are also struggles. This morning I hit one of those walls head on!
On the way to work Aaron and I were talking about daycare and what to do in November when I have to come back to work. We haven't decided. We haven't really even tried to visit anywhere yet. I think both of us were thinking if we just ignored the issue an answer would fall from the sky. Then I walked into work shut my door and just fell apart. I really haven't even stopped crying yet. I just want to do what is right. And how do you know the answer to that question? Staying home with him is almost next to impossible - the insurance alone would be over $600 a month! But if I work, who will take care of him? I want him to be close to where I work so I can just drop in anytime and check on him, feed him, be with him if he is sick, love him when he needs to be loved ... all of those things are endless. However, it would be about $240.00 a WEEK! That is almost a extra thousand dollars a month! I know God cares about these details in my life because He loves me. I keep telling myself this. Already I feel like the things I do here at EMI don't matter even one bit compared to the things that I do for him. And who will love him and take care of him like we would? NO ONE. That is the truth. But if I have to work, this is the place for me. I absolutely LOVE my job, the people, everything. I have always believed that this position was a gift from the Lord to me. It combines my love for writing with my love for music. Anyway, it may seem very simple to you - reading out there as someone out of the circumstance, but for me, right here in the thick of it today I am really praying, asking God to speak to me, crack open a door, show me an answer, or even just be close to me while I deal with this my first ever heartbreak as a Mother! And as I read back over that line, maybe just the being close to me today would be enough. (and this is where I hear Mandy in my head say, HE IS ENOUGH, that is all you need to know).
Since I have taken time that I don't have at work to cry out all my tears while I am spilling out all of this to you I am going to go ahead and share that Father's Day post I have been trying so hard to get around to writing. So yes, this is going to get even longer. Sorry if I am totally boring you.
If you know me, you know I adore both of my parents. I was so blessed being born into the Weaver family! Nick and Agnes had two girls (who have grown to be the bestest of friends). And from the beginning both of us had a special relationship with each of my parents and as far as dad went we were always daddy's little girls - no matter how old or obnoxious we were. My dad coached my basketball teams, put together my toys, fixed everything I broke, moved me from dorm to dorm, and even drove the uhaul that moved us to Nashville 4 years ago. All of this was going through my head this weekend as I watched him help my husband put together the crib that Aaron's parent's bought us for the baby. It felt appropriate to me as I watched them (for 2 long hours) figuring out how to put it all together. They probably wouldn't know it, but there was a moment when I was standing in the doorway where I felt it all coming full circle.
I just know I will keep having those moments. watching my dad hold his grandson, playing with him in the yard, and teaching him to do things that drive me crazy :) I will have those with all the special people in my life - whether I am watching Aaron hold him, discipline him, bathe him. Seeing my parents, sister, aunt, and Aaron's parents , sister, and grandmother with him. Those will all be things I hold on to and cherish. This was one of the firsts. For father's day we gave dad a Disney mug that said Grandad. He is officially going to go by Pop Pop but he was still excited to receive his first ever Grandad merchandise.
It was also Aaron's first Father's Day! That meant something really special to me. I have been walking around with this little man kicking me and using my kidneys as a trampoline for the last few months so I am fully aware that there is a living being that is a part of our lives living safe inside of me. Sure, Aaron has seen me changing, growing, and put up with all of my issues recently but I wanted to focus Sunday totally on him, how this little boy is changing his life and how he will make a difference in his life as well. So we celebrated all day. Whatever Aaron wanted to do we did. He likes practical things - I am sure you know that :) So I had his watch fixed (it hasn't worked since November) and we grilled out and ate steaks (he is the master griller!) and then we watched a boy movie - I am not much for those but we did it anyway. Lots of shooting and killing :) Then we watched Seinfeld's (my sister and Kyle bought him the entire collection for Christmas - something he will forever cherish :) And we went on a walk around the neighborhood too. It was lots of fun. He is already an amazing Father! I am constantly talking to this little guy letting him know how lucky we both are that he is our husband and dad! Aaron has such a tenderheart and a gift for loving people. I am so grateful to be his wife.
Now to move away from all of my hormones and drama (sorry you had to read about it all here) Here are a few other pictures from this weekend. We pressure washed the house and I now have a new hobby :) It was so much fun. Guess what I am asking for at Christmas :) Finally, I will close with a preggo pic from Monday.
If you made it to the end of this post, thanks for reading through my hormones and drama and for letting me use this space as therapy. I think my eyes are dried enough to go and start my day now :) I am going to keep reminding myself that HE IS ENOUGH (see Mandy, even when you aren't around to tell me I will remember).
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